Streaker, Stalker, Paperwork, Thief…

Well, actually paperwork should occur several more times in that list – after every recordable event.

The naked man, if truth be told, was more of a wanderer – he was spotted in Llanffuglen and when PC Sporty and his colleague picked him up he appeared to have been beaten and burned. After several hours of waiting in hospital while he was treated, Mr Streaker said it was nothing more than he deserved and he didn't want to press charges!

While Mr Bill’s colleagues were waiting for the man to tell them how he came to be wandering naked in town, covered in injuries, Mr Bill was interviewing the victim of stalking. This is not the person from the previous post – we have not heard any more about that at present; this is a new incident. The victim has told a harrowing tale of how the Stalker is ruining a whole family’s life. Mr Bill, wanting to take a full account of what has happened spent four hours taking the victim’s statement.

The Paperwork means Mr Bill is single-handedly responsible for the complete deforestation of an area the size of Wales (well, if not quite that big, at least a couple of trees).













Imagine, if you will, taking your pre-teen daughter on a trip to the local Megastore, your daughter expresses an interest in looking around on her own and you agree to meet up by the exit in about half an hour. Then, after paying for your groceries you are packing them into bags, you hear an announcement asking you to come urgently to the front desk – you immediately drop everything, so worried are you, and rush there where, your worst fears are not realised; your daughter has not had an accident or been abducted, no, she has been arrested for shoplifting and the police are on their way.

The Mother was, as we say in Llanffuglen, “tidy”. That means she was a decent individual who is probably doing a good job of bringing up her children. So on finding her daughter had attempted to steal two small items was mortified. The child quickly became distressed at realising the implications of what she had done and started to cry.

Mr Bill found this one of his most challenging incidents so far. He has seen some unpleasant things and smelled some unpleasant smells but this challenged him in a way he found more difficult to deal with.
The outcome is that the child has been banned from Megastore for 6 months, which is probably unnecessary as I think the mother will probably never darken their door again in case someone recognises her. It was never satisfactorily established why the girl stole the items – but Mr Bill hopes she has learned her lesson.

Don't You Want Me?

The ex-partner of one woman is having a difficult time understanding: No, she does not want him - she no longer wants to live with a tyrannical, overbearing, control freak and has set up home in another area of Llanffuglen with a considerate, agreeable, hard-working man. Ex-partner tried to split them up by making life as difficult as possible for them:

xxxx Vandalism: paint stripper on the car
xxxx Harassment: phone calls

Then he started interfering in their lives in a fanatical way so much so that a Judge granted the couple an injunction against ex-partner to prevent him coming anywhere near them. This has been effective until now; ex-partner has succeeded in poisoning the mind of their son against the mother so effectively, that fired up, probably with a quantity of booze, and accompanied by several beefy mates he went round and beat the new partner very badly. If it was not for the intervention of neighbours who saw what happened, then the yobs would probably be looking at a murder charge rather than ABH or assault – no charge has yet made yet.

Mr Bill was asked to visit the victim and take a statement and photos showing the extent of the beating. It was probably handy they asked Mr Bill as no one else seemed to know how to operate a digital camera not incorporated into a mobile phone, transfer the photos to a computer and then email them to the another Police station - rather than faxing (???) as they usually do.
Mr Bill hopes his thorough and it has to be said copious statement might help gain a conviction for this dreadful assault. Maybe if the ex has no one else stupid enough to go and do his dirty work then this couple stand some chance of making a life together.

The rest of the shift was mainly confirmation to Mr Bill of just how idiotic our licensing laws now are. Cheap alcohol available any time - have we learned nothing from history?

A ‘Cakeable” Offence

The most recent one of these was committed by a PC on Mr Bill’s code who inadvertently put petrol in a Diesel car – oops! So a large chocolate cake should be appearing at a Police station near us soon.

Mr Bill has had a relatively quiet time – even last night (Friday) when Llanffuglen Police expect the locals to be letting their hair down, consuming too much drugs and alcohol and picking fights.
Mr Bill did have a big responsibility as he was 'officer in charge' for the execution of a warrant last night. They took the big red door key with them in case the occupants were unwilling to open the door for them – this was not needed as the door was open. Some time was spent watching the sniffer dog indicating that, although there were no drugs to be found, there had been some there previously. This warrant execution and all the associated paperwork allows Mr Bill to tick lots of boxes on his way to becoming a fully-accredited PC and trusted to go on independent patrol.

Mr Bill is on a late again tonight and as it is raining it will be only the determined baddies who will be up to no good; thefts of Diesel are becoming more of a problem locally so Mr Bill will be driving round with PC Tutor in the Noddy van.

A Hard Day's Night

Well Mr Bill made it through his first two nights - he is off again for his last night shift in a few hours.
Not a lot has happened in Llanffuglen - the criminals were all tucked up in bed.

Actually Mr Bill claims they took one look at him in his full Police kit, turned tail and headed back to England.

Time passed slowly so PC Tutor took Mr Bill on a tour of all the useful night-time watering holes. A well known supermarket was honoured with a visit from Mr Bill and his colleagues - here they all tucked into a midnight feast.

First Night Nerves

Mr Bill is starting his eight-week stint of accompanied patrols this Tuesday night. So just as you are getting snuggled up in your duvet, Mr Bill will be starting his night's work. He is a little apprehensive about starting 'proper' police duties - although he will have a tutor to assist and advise him. He is going to be very busy as, in addition to general police work, he will have more boxes to tick showing he has experienced all the different scenarios required before he can be let out on his own.

Over the next few weeks stories of real happenings will probably appear on here, with some attempt at disguising names and places. I am not sure that those in charge would approve of this reporting, so can I request, please, no mentioning of any identifying remarks by those of you who know the real Bill family if you leave comments. I am afraid this means previous giveaway comments (even the really funny ones) have been deleted and all new comments will be moderated before they go on the blog.