It’s all good...

Well, as I have just realised, the end of the year is closing in fast, and as I look forwards to my first Christmas ‘on the beat’, I thought that I would look back on the year that has just passed.

Avid readers will remember that I finished my 9 months of training at Police HQ in the early part of 2008 and I attained the status of Student Officer fit for independent patrol some 10 weeks after that.
A driving course followed from that, which was the most fun I can remember having for many a year – being able to break the speed limits and get my picture taken by speed camera vans, and not have to worry.

The rest of the year has been a time of learning to police in ‘the real world’. I have been pleasantly surprised at how ‘un-phased’ I have been by most situations and have really enjoyed being out on Friday and Saturday nights – talking with the happy drunks and grappling with the angry drunks. I have grown to realise that much of Policing is how you present yourself and much of it is just listening and trying to help.

I have been assaulted three times in the last year, by a drunk, a prisoner trying to escape and also whilst out in the wilds when I needed to arrest an ex special forces soldier. Despite my run-ins and injuries sustained, I have never thought I have made the wrong decision. I have been really grateful for a strong supportive family, a wife who is tremendous (thanks, Mrs Bill) and also for the support and camaraderie from my fellow officers. I can truly say that I have felt ‘part of the family’.

What do I enjoy the most?
It’s got to be the call over the radio “Any unit available that can attend an immediate?” This is the call that could be a road traffic collision (RTC), an ongoing fight outside a pub, a domestic ongoing, or any number of other events. The hairs go up o the back of your neck, you look at your colleague and reply to the call with “India Oscar 21 – available – what is it?”. You are then relayed the facts of the incident, the address to get to and any background info that the operations room have been able to glean in the seconds that they have been receiving the 999 call.

What do I enjoy the least?
I guess it has to be the paperwork. I sometimes hear a call on the radio and whilst responding, I am thinking – how much paperwork is this one little incident going to bring about?

If it is not the paperwork, I think it is the genuine loathing that I have for those people that bring misery to normal people. I am talking about the habitual criminal that doesn’t care about the fruit of their actions. This is the sort of person who is constantly being brought into the police station and each time let go by the court. Yes, I understand people have bad childhoods, I understand people need a second chance. But I also think that joe public deserve to have a decent life and be able to leave their car outside their house without some complete moron scratching it “because it’s not fair that I don’t have one”.

Have I changed?
I was asked by a colleague whether my family had noticed a change in me over the last year and a half. Results were varied, but included:
Happier
More outgoing
Closer circle of friends
Language has deteriorated – a bit more course/vulgar
Don’t use the computer as much

What do I think has changed:
I feel more alive
I go to work looking forward to the day (or night)
I don’t know what to expect – ‘anything could happen in the next 8-10 hours’
I am knackered at the end of a shift
I love the days off
I hate the ironing of countless white shirts
I am more confident in myself
I feel older

Yes, I feel older – but I am not sure if this is the fault of the job, or maybe a gradual realisation that I am not as young as I used to be.

Anyway, enough of the self pity, just because I feel older (and look older) doesn’t mean to say that I have to act any older. I am getting down the gym, going out mountain biking and I would like to say that my beer and chocolate intake has decreased. I would like to say it, but unfortunately I can’t L

Yes, life is good, I am enjoying the job, I am enjoying life. I have seen a number of sudden deaths, some very old and some far too young. I have always thought that life is for living, but even more so now.

Hopefully I will blog again prior to Christmas, but if not – Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all readers. I hope you make the most of it!

It's been busy........

What’s been happening?

Well, it’s a few months since my last blog and I can only apologise that I have been so tardy.
However, I have been finding that after completing 8 or 9 hour shifts where I am completing paperwork after paperwork, that I really don’t feel like sitting at the keyboard yet again when I get home.

SO what’s been happening?

Well, the easiest answer is lots!

I have started to find that the paperwork is becoming a bit easier – although I still find it overwhelmingly tiresome and repetitive. It seems like there are loads of things that are duplicated, that could be minimised with decent IT systems that would talk to each other. I have also started to think that the police are being used as typewriter monkeys for the CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) and the courts, as so many MG (manual of guidance) forms need to be completed just so a well paid lawyer can look at the case and decide just how ‘good’ they feel about the case and what the chances are that the case can be proven in court.

I have also seen people who have received quite nasty assaults and I have stated in my notes that the assault amounts to ABH (Aggravated Bodily Harm) or GBH (Grevious Bodily Harm), but instead the CPS know that they will definitely get Common Assault proven, and so downgrade the charge.

This is one of the hardest parts, as I have to go and tell the victims that the trauma they have gone through is only going to be dealt with by a far lesser offence, and many times Common Assault can be dealt with by a fine and a suspended sentence, or maybe just a fine, or sometimes just a caution.

I understand that prisons are full and I understand that there are times when a bit of leniency can help to prevent turn a ‘one-time-offender’ into a ‘persistent-offender’, but the CPS aren’t really looking at it like that. In this modern day, they too have targets and cost restraints. They have to be ‘accountable’ for their actions. If they can get 16 common assaults through the books knowing that 100% of them will be positive for them, rather than 8 out of 16 ABH assaults that are positive, then they have a 200% better track record, and less cost per crime than they would have had.
This will mean that justice is ‘seen to be done’. The public will look at the massaged reports on the news that the ‘detection’ rate for crimes is very high, and the CPS will be able to say that they have a high success rate for all crimes that they pursue, and justify their pay rises etc.

I have just read back the last paragraphs, and realise that I am coming over as a cynic. This is not the point – I feel proud about the job I am doing and I feel strongly for the rights of those that have been brave enough to come forward to the police to make a complaint against others, knowing full well that they may receive further harassment and abuse due to their actions. I also feel annoyed that I may have to fill out 16 full files, just to have 8 of them go through – downgraded to a lesser charge, just so another department can ‘look good’. The public do realise that the police are on their side, they do understand that the CPS have their hands tied to a certain extent, but the plain truth of the matter is that the offenders also know that they can ‘get away ‘ with it – which sends out completely the wrong message.

Well, I’ve started to write again, I’ve had a rant. I’ll try and put a few stories in over the coming weeks of events that have happened to me that I have found interesting, moving or funny (or even all three)........

What a Shi**y Job…

A report straight from Mr Bill

I was on duty at the big hospital in Llanffuglen, accompanied by my colleague PC PAVA Queen (so named as she has been spraying PAVA like it’s hairspray). We had been in attendance at the hospital since 0730 in the morning, keeping an eye on PLONKER. Earlier he had insisted he had swallowed a quantity of heroin and therefore could not stay in our lovely comfy cells at the police station, instead it was up to the tax payer to make funds available for PLONKER to stay in a high dependency unit, guarded by two police constables at all times.

And so it was that I was seated near the bed, and PC PAVA Queen was standing near the end of the bed. PLONKER was stood between both myself and PC PAVA Queen when without warning he threw the contents of a plastic cup of tea in my direction, which resulted in my face and front of my shirt being covered in tea. Almost simultaneously he threw the contents of a plastic cup of water over PC PAVA Queen and started to move towards her. I immediately rose to my feet and at the same time and as I did so, PLONKER was already next to PC PAVA Queen and was attempting to pass her. As he did so, PC PAVA Queen grabbed PLONKER by the upper chest area in an attempt to stop him. As PC PAVA Queen did this, I was immediately behind PLONKER. PLONKER then grabbed PC PAVA Queen’s radio with his right hand in what seemed like an attempt to take it from her. PC PAVA Queen pulled PLONKER’s hand away. I had now managed to get hold of PLONKER’s left hand, and followed this through with a knee strike to PLONKER’s left leg which had the desired effect of bringing him to the ground. As PLONKER descended to the floor, all three of us slipped, due to the amount of water and tea and slippery floor. I saw PC PAVA Queen fall backwards and as she did so, PLONKER looked as though he was reaching for her incapacitant spray. As he did this, PC PAVA QUEEN pulled PLONKER’s hand away from the canister and then held the canister and shouted “SPRAY” in a loud clear manner, allowing me to take evasive action prior to her deploying the incapacitant spray. As PC PAVA Queen released the spray, PLONKER immediately felt the effect and screamed out as the spray took effect. PLONKER was now face down and I managed to handcuff him in the back stack position. PLONKER continued to struggle with ourselves, but we managed to restrain him on the floor, and once he had calmed down to a stage where he would listen to instructions, PC PAVA Queen and myself lifted him to the seated position. However, PLONKER was continuing to shout and scream, causing surrounding patients and staff at the hospital distress.

Approximately one minute after placing PLONKER into the seated position, several colleagues arrived and helped to escort PLONKER out of the ward into the fresh air to help relieve the symptoms of the incapacitant spray. As soon as PLONKER was in a fit state to understand instructions, I told him that he was under arrest for assault on Police Officers. PLONKER then remained handcuffed for the rest of the day…

A bit later, PLONKER was moved to a private room and it was gratifying to see that he was still suffering irritation from the pepper spray that had been administered some hours earlier. Whilst in the room, PLONKER admitted to PC PAVA Queen and myself “I HAVEN’T GOT ANYTHING IN ME, I MADE IT UP TO GET OUT OF THERE” PC PAVA Queen then clarified with PLONKER what he meant by “ANYTHING” to which PLONKER replied “I DIDN’T SWALLOW ANY HEROIN IN CUSTODY, I MADE IT UP TO GET OUT OF THERE”.

PLONKER then apologised to myself and PC PAVA Queen stating the only reason he had thrown tea and water over us was due to his need to “GET SOME GEAR”.

PC PAVA Queen and myself remained in immediate proximity with PLONKER until he had evacuated his bowels with the aid of a very strong hospital laxative. The attending nurse examined the stools and waste matter and confirmed there were no illegal substances present. After this PLONKER was allowed a shot of methadone to calm the cravings he was starting to have for heroin.

All of the above took up the whole shift, and so it was at the end of the shift that we returned with PLONKER to the police station and then to the comfy cells of custody and it is there where he will stay until the court has decided what to do with him. Oh yes, and apparently the hospital laxative will continue to work on PLONKER for at least the next 12 hours – what a shame :-)

Violence on the Streets of Llanffuglen

Friday and Saturday nights are now well known by all to be times when the good citizens of the UK go out and get merry, then get even merrier and then start to get extremely merry, and then finally get violent.

Friday and Saturday nights are now well known by all to be times when the good citizens of the UK go out and get merry, then get even merrier and then start to get extremely merry, and then finally get violent.

Well it seems that Llanffuglen is no different from the rest of the UK, and despite its picturesque outlook and rolling green pastures, Llanffuglen attracts all sorts to its town centre at the weekend. The majority of these revellers are no problem at all to the police, and in fact it is rather funny to sit inside a patrol car at various stages of the evening and gradually see people getting drunker and drunker, until by 0200hrs, the lady who was immaculately turned out at 2000hrs the night before, can now no longer remember how to walk properly and has great pleasure in trying to hail a police car in the mistaken thought that it is a taxi (I guess it is our own fault as we have those silly signs on the top of the car that look very similar).

It is also incredible how much alcohol smells on the breath. This is extremely noticeable as revellers place their head by the open drivers window of the police car and speak utter nonsense to the police officer inside. Being someone who appreciates a drink myself, it has been interesting to be completely sober and witness the events of the evening unfold, especially how violent people seem to become. Females have arguments over the silliest things, and the use of the stiletto heels that they have so painfully been enduring on their feet make marvellous weapons when used in their hands!

But blokes are the worst - official. They constantly go around in good humoured groups, pushing and shoving each other in boyish ways, and then later into the evening, the pushing becomes more forceful, but due to the lubricating effects of alcohol, it is all accepted within the group - even when the pushing becomes very forceful and then progresses to feats of strength where one of the group tries lifting the other up - often with the obvious result of both individuals falling to the floor in a crumpled heap. Yes, this is all good fun for blokes and to be honest, it is funny to look at when sitting inside a police car, listening out to the police radio in case a domestic or road traffic accident demands our attention.

However, it is once the happy and funny stunts have finished that life really gets interesting - this is normally anywhere from 2300hrs onwards and goes on until maybe 0400 or 0500hrs. This is the time that the alcohol and also the drugs have really allowed the brains of those that like to take things to excess the chance to really say and do what they really really want.

This may be as harmless as bearing their backsides to passing pedestrians and motorists, or maybe trying to 'tightrope walk' along the bridge wall that separates them from being dry and alive, to possibly being wet and dead. But possibly the worst effect is that of stimulating the human being to think that they are super-human and can take on the world - whether the world wants them to or not.

So as last night was Saturday night and Mr. Bill being on an evening shift, he and his colleagues donned their protective stab vests and all weather gear (it was a horrible rainy night at times) and patrolled the merry streets of Llanffuglen, helping to protect the community therein.

There were the usual calls in the early evening - a shoplifter at the supermarket, youths causing problems kicking cans and bins. Neighbours needing the police to talk to the other neighbour, and then calling the police back ten minutes later because "Next door has started doing it again!". Yes, this is the warm-up time when patrol cars are dispatched to sort out all the silly problems that can't normally be rectified for a permanent resolution, merely sticking plasters that will help stop the wound from hurting for a while longer.

But last night seemed to go very quickly and it was soon 0300 hours. Mr Bill was sitting near a local night club, wondering how the girls didn't catch a cold as they were wearing so little, and also wondering just how far we are ahead of the apes in our evolutionary progress as he saw groups of males trying to climb lampposts, bearing their chests to each other and generally staggering home on autopilot.

However, he was approached by a female stating that there was a male nearby who had assaulted her last month and that the police were looking for him. After checking with the operations room that the female was telling the truth and that the police were looking for this male (I really could not call him a man or a gentleman after knowing what he has done), Mr. Bill approached the male to inform him that he was arresting him for the assault on the female last month and that the male should come along with Mr. Bill quietly and immediately. The male seemed to take offence at the sight of Mr. Bill (maybe it's the tie I was wearing or it could have been the cologne), and so the male made it quite clear to Mr. Bill in words that would offend most decent-minded folks that the male did not want to accompany Mr. Bill, and that Mr. Bill was free to go and do several things, none of which could be printed on this page.

And so it was that Mr. Bill laid his hand on the male and told him that he was under arrest. Fortunately Mr. Bill’s colleagues had also turned up and another police officer held the male’s other hand. Cutting a long story short, the male was very uncooperative and showed this by placing his head very hard and very forcibly into Mr. Bill's head, causing quite a bit of pain to Mr. Bill. (in civvie parlance: he headbutted him, Mrs Bill)

This really was a very silly thing to do, as the male now had added to his list of crimes 'Police Assault'. The male was swiftly brought to the ground as Mr. Bill lifted the male’s leg forwards and Mr. Bill’s colleagues assisted gravity to bring the male to the ground where he was then restrained by the use of handcuffs.

However, this was not before PAVA (pepper) spray had been deployed by a colleague of Mr. Bill. As PAVA is not particularly discriminate in focusing its attention only on naughty people, several police including Mr. Bill also found out what it is like to be sprayed with PAVA.

I can state for the record that it is not a pleasant experience, but at least the next time a low-life asks me "Have you ever tried that stuff out on yourself?", I can honestly say "Yes".

After the incident, the male was taken to police custody, and upon searching the male, a small quantity of white powder was found in his jeans - allowing yet another charge to be levelled at the male - "Illegal possession of a controlled substance".

The male did not seem to find it nearly as funny as Mr. Bill as the cell door slammed shut. Just to make sure the male was ok, Mr. Bill did open the flap of the door and ask the male if there was anything else he could do for him. Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly, the male uttered words that yet again cannot be published on a website where decent folk may be browsing.

Mr. Bill closed the flap shut and then went to A&E to get his head and hand looked at.

All was ok with Mr. Bill’s head, it would seem that although the collision of the male’s head against Mr. Bill's was heard by all at the scene, with several people wincing at the sound, Mr. Bill will live to 'fight', or maybe that should be 'serve' another day.

(Mr Bill’s head has a small bump – but no bruising apparent at present. He does have a cut on his finger and some minor scrapes to his arm. His eyes continued to sting for some time and still appear a little red. (Mrs Bill))

Feel the Force

Well apologies from Mrs Bill for whom the study of Shakespeare and assorted poets has been very time-consuming of recent weeks. ‘Poet’ is quite an elastic term to describe some of the literary outpourings to which Mrs Bill has subjected the reluctant ears of the little Bills to on the way to school of a morning.

Fortunately Mr Bill has not allowed any of this to deter him from his mission of removing the miscreants who endeavour to make the lives of ordinary law-abiding people less pleasant and often considerably more dangerous. Several of them have ‘Felt The Force’ of Mr Bill’s wrath in recent weeks and at least one is having a sojourn at her Majesty’s pleasure until such time as he appears before a Court. Mr Bill has been very busy making up a ‘full file’ in the meantime. While the rest of us ordinary mortals thought that the police arrested the criminals and it was the job of the lawyers to make the case it turns out that these highly skilled individuals are paid far too much money to worry about trivial things like compiling a case from evidence supplied by the police. The Bill clan are watching with interest to see at what stage the legal eagles actually do some work.

Mr Bill has been making extensive use of the driving skills he learned on his course and has managed to shave several minutes off previous best times for some journeys. He needs to make sure he retains all the skills as he is hoping to attend the advanced driving course at some point in the future. Just don’t ask him how long it takes to drive anywhere as it is so much quicker when you are in a police car with blue lights and siren going!

Mr Bill has been so good as to supply me with a selection of photos of aspects of his work to be included as illustration in the blog. To begin here is a picture of his current mentor.
(He does not usually look so rough, but this was taken after a particularly hard shift)

Watch Out…

Well, three weeks of driving later and Mr. Bill had his driving assessment. He passed with flying colours and attained a good enough grade to allow him to apply for an advanced driving course at a later stage.

This means that if he decides to go into the traffic division he now has the first building block in place.

The next stage is to get out on the streets and start catching the bad guys.

He has been told that the best way to get the top brass to notice you, is to get lots of tickets in.. This means stopping dodgy looking vehicles and drivers and asking them to present their driving documentation, such as driving licence, MOT and Insurance.

The fact is that it is a legal requirement that all motorists produce this documentation
whenever requested by a Police Officer in uniform. Failure to produce said documentation is an offence and you can be summonsed for it.

However, if you do not have this documentation about your person, the nice police officer can give you a Home Office Road Traffic slip 01 – or HORTI. This is also known as ‘a producer’. This slip is then taken to a police station along with the relevant documentation and checked by the nice police officer behind the desk and if all documentation is correct, you can be on your way.

If you don’t produce your documents within 7 days, you get a nice letter from the police inviting you to attend court ☺

Mr. Bill is looking forward to stopping all those silly people who don’t wear seatbelts, or continue to use phones whilst driving and also put a few nice tickets on the windscreens of the twits who park in dangerous places.



He is also hoping that by reading the latest intelligence logs at the station, he will be able to recognise the naughty people operating within his area – especially whilst they are driving to/from their crimes. Many of these people don’t have insurance or tax anyway, and so it will be even better to stop them for the crime and then do them for driving illegally as well – double whammy!

2 weeks down, 1 to go...

The first two weeks of the traffic course have flown by, and on Friday it was assessment day. This meant having an instructor sit next to the drivers and judge them on their progress over the last two weeks. If the drivers pass, they are allowed to go on to the third week, which is the response part of the course - or driving under blue lights and sirens. Thankfully all passed the assessment and so next week, the first job of the day will be to stick all the police decals on the plain saloon cars that the students have been driving and then attach a magnetic blue flashing light to the top of the car. It will be interesting to see how differently people drive when they realise it is a police car behind them, compared to the last two weeks, where the cars have been 'unmarked'. The students have been told to expect the unexpected - some people don't realise that there is a police car behind them (even with the blue flashing lights, flashing headlights and wailing siren on), others suddenly realise that there is a police car trying to get past and become suicidal in their efforts to stop. Others try to be helpful and in the process of 'pulling over' create a blockage on the road in front of the police car. There is also the ‘effect’ on pedestrians, apparently many become like lemmings and try to cross the road before the speeding police car reaches them – often with much frustration being bestowed on the police driver as he slows to a snails pace to allow the said pedestrian to finish his ever-so-important journey across the road. Another effect of adding blue lights and siren, is that the students apparently get excited and forget all of the road training they have had over the last two weeks, and need to be brought back to earth by the instructors. Mr. Bill is really looking forward to next week and hopes that he can obtain a really good grade so it lines him up for a placement in the traffic division in the coming year.

I think it would be nice to spare a thought for the instructors as it must be one of the most scary jobs going – sitting in the passenger seat of a police car whilst the student police officer tries out his new found abilities for the first time.

Watch out Llanffuglen and surrounding counties – the boys in blue are coming!!

Independence and driving;

Well, it happened – after 8 weeks of tutorship, Mr. Bill has been declared ‘fit for independent patrol’. However, before he is allowed to hit the mean streets of Llanffuglen, on his own, there is one more training task he must complete… driving.
This has been the part of training that Mr. Bill has most looked forward to. Three weeks of driving around, being told by expert police drivers how to make his driving better.
At the end of the three weeks, the drivers will be told if they have made the grade to be allowed to drive in a ‘response’ situation – or to you and me – with the blue lights on and the siren wailing.
They will also be given a grade to show just how good a driver they are and whether the instructors think that the officers have what it takes to eventually be allowed to become traffic cops (if they choose to do this line of police work) – but they aren’t allowed to apply for that position until they have done at least 2 years ‘on-the-beat’.
For Mr. Bill this has meant going back to basics and remembering how to drive a car using two hands on the steering wheel at the ’10 to 2’ position and making sure that no elbows rest on the armrest and when turning into streets, the push-pull technique is used, rather than just letting the steering wheel find its own way back to the 12 o’clock position.
But it’s not all bad, in fact it has been great. Learning to drive the ‘police way’ is incredibly tiring, and yet at the same time great fun.
The first part is to learn a set dialogue that must be said at the start of every journey which allows the driver to demonstrate that he has done all the pre-checks on the car and that he is aware of all the controls and that the driver knows that the passengers are all strapped in safely.
Once moving, the instructor, who is sitting in the front passenger seat, keeps a watchful eye on the driver at all times. Telling the driver how to position themselves for every situation they find themselves on the road.
Once the instructor is happy that the driver understands the police driving system – the speeds are allowed to increase. This is the fun part.
Realising that Llanffuglen Police Force has many miles of long stretches of open country roads, and those that know of Mr. Bill’s enjoyment of driving – it comes as no surprise that after a few days of training, Mr. Bill has been getting to grips – or should I say that he has been testing the grip of the car and realizing its full cornering (and braking) potential.
The cars are standard family saloon type cars with no police markings – with a couple of modifications – namely hidden at the front and back of the car are the essential pieces of equipment that make these cars stand out from the crowd – yes, that’s right – the flashing blue lights and siren.
Mr. Bill has not been trained in using these pieces of equipment yet – that doesn’t happen until the third week of the course. However, the instructors are allowed to use them, and if whilst travelling at 85mph on a dual carriageway an unsuspecting boy racer decides to come up nice and close to the rear bumper of one of the training cars – it is a delight to see just how quickly the boy racer backs off once the little blue lights are flashed a couple of times – more than likely necessitating a change of underwear for the boy racer at the next services.
The cars have three student police officers and one instructor in them and all students take it in turns to drive for about an hour and then swap over – but not before they receive feedback from each other and the instructor. It may be that the officer has braked a little too hard, or accelerated a bit too quickly from the lights, or it could just be that the student has ‘missed an overtaking opportunity’ – yes as they learn to drive faster safely they are now being told to look for opportunities to overtake – and by the end of the second week they will be marked down if they do not take an overtaking opportunity that presented itself.
So it is now into the start of the second week – Mr. Bill wishes that the weeks were longer as he can’t remember enjoying himself so much at work for ages. He will be spending some time at the skid pan this week and then maybe some night time driving as well. But I am sure that whatever this week holds in store, Mr. Bill will be up for the challenge.

(Mrs Bill has been rather busy recently so this post was ghost written - thanks Mr Bill)

Nicknames

Whilst Mr Bill is very much accepted as part of the code he has yet to be bestowed with a nickname – there have been various suggestions made but, like “Shoulders” none have stuck. ‘Shoulders’, short for Teflon Shoulders as nothing (bad) sticks to him, is the nickname of one of Mr Bill’s colleagues. It seems every organisation has someone like this!

Mr Bill’s tutor believes very firmly in the student police officer seeing and doing as much as possible while on the 8-weeks and so the paperwork for the ordinary police work builds up. Mr Bill is now quite practised at several of the forms to be filled in. He has been complemented on his thoroughness by a couple of the others in the team. They continue to be amazed at his computer skills – it is scary really how little some of our Boys in Blue know of computers. It was a revelation to some that ‘Control C’ and then ‘Control V’ can be used to transfer text – the mouse cut and paste is disabled on most Police software – until now they have been typing in the text again – talk about wasting Police time.

Mr Bill has completed quite a few of his box-ticking exercises – some as a result of really worthwhile activity; he administered first aid to an elderly gentleman who fell as he was getting off a bus. An ambulance had to come some distance and so Mr Bill was ‘in charge’ for about 15 minutes.

Update

Mr Bill is well into his 8-week stint; he has been busy the last couple of weeks working a varied shift pattern of nights; evenings til 2am or 3am; and assorted days; with a few days off here and there. These have not really been days off as he is trying to get all his paperwork assembled so that he is ready to go on independent patrol in a few weeks. The paperwork is laborious and not straightforward; try and include too many skills and they are disallowed - it does not matter that you did use the skills you are trying to claim). Thus it will take the destruction of yet more trees before those in authority will be satisfied.

Mr Bill has been having some more experience of interviewing; he had his first ‘no comment’ interview where the young man, viewed on CCTV assaulting someone, was advised by his solicitor to offer, “No comment” to all 100 questions asked. That statement will be a lot of cut and paste, paste paste.


Mr Bill has so far avoided a cakeable offence; unlike one PC who dropped the Squad Car keys while performing a house search – only to find the person whose house they were searching had picked up the keys - he had been enjoying the discomfiture of the officers present. The mortification was complete once the story was spread to the rest of the code and beyond........

Streaker, Stalker, Paperwork, Thief…

Well, actually paperwork should occur several more times in that list – after every recordable event.

The naked man, if truth be told, was more of a wanderer – he was spotted in Llanffuglen and when PC Sporty and his colleague picked him up he appeared to have been beaten and burned. After several hours of waiting in hospital while he was treated, Mr Streaker said it was nothing more than he deserved and he didn't want to press charges!

While Mr Bill’s colleagues were waiting for the man to tell them how he came to be wandering naked in town, covered in injuries, Mr Bill was interviewing the victim of stalking. This is not the person from the previous post – we have not heard any more about that at present; this is a new incident. The victim has told a harrowing tale of how the Stalker is ruining a whole family’s life. Mr Bill, wanting to take a full account of what has happened spent four hours taking the victim’s statement.

The Paperwork means Mr Bill is single-handedly responsible for the complete deforestation of an area the size of Wales (well, if not quite that big, at least a couple of trees).













Imagine, if you will, taking your pre-teen daughter on a trip to the local Megastore, your daughter expresses an interest in looking around on her own and you agree to meet up by the exit in about half an hour. Then, after paying for your groceries you are packing them into bags, you hear an announcement asking you to come urgently to the front desk – you immediately drop everything, so worried are you, and rush there where, your worst fears are not realised; your daughter has not had an accident or been abducted, no, she has been arrested for shoplifting and the police are on their way.

The Mother was, as we say in Llanffuglen, “tidy”. That means she was a decent individual who is probably doing a good job of bringing up her children. So on finding her daughter had attempted to steal two small items was mortified. The child quickly became distressed at realising the implications of what she had done and started to cry.

Mr Bill found this one of his most challenging incidents so far. He has seen some unpleasant things and smelled some unpleasant smells but this challenged him in a way he found more difficult to deal with.
The outcome is that the child has been banned from Megastore for 6 months, which is probably unnecessary as I think the mother will probably never darken their door again in case someone recognises her. It was never satisfactorily established why the girl stole the items – but Mr Bill hopes she has learned her lesson.

Don't You Want Me?

The ex-partner of one woman is having a difficult time understanding: No, she does not want him - she no longer wants to live with a tyrannical, overbearing, control freak and has set up home in another area of Llanffuglen with a considerate, agreeable, hard-working man. Ex-partner tried to split them up by making life as difficult as possible for them:

xxxx Vandalism: paint stripper on the car
xxxx Harassment: phone calls

Then he started interfering in their lives in a fanatical way so much so that a Judge granted the couple an injunction against ex-partner to prevent him coming anywhere near them. This has been effective until now; ex-partner has succeeded in poisoning the mind of their son against the mother so effectively, that fired up, probably with a quantity of booze, and accompanied by several beefy mates he went round and beat the new partner very badly. If it was not for the intervention of neighbours who saw what happened, then the yobs would probably be looking at a murder charge rather than ABH or assault – no charge has yet made yet.

Mr Bill was asked to visit the victim and take a statement and photos showing the extent of the beating. It was probably handy they asked Mr Bill as no one else seemed to know how to operate a digital camera not incorporated into a mobile phone, transfer the photos to a computer and then email them to the another Police station - rather than faxing (???) as they usually do.
Mr Bill hopes his thorough and it has to be said copious statement might help gain a conviction for this dreadful assault. Maybe if the ex has no one else stupid enough to go and do his dirty work then this couple stand some chance of making a life together.

The rest of the shift was mainly confirmation to Mr Bill of just how idiotic our licensing laws now are. Cheap alcohol available any time - have we learned nothing from history?

A ‘Cakeable” Offence

The most recent one of these was committed by a PC on Mr Bill’s code who inadvertently put petrol in a Diesel car – oops! So a large chocolate cake should be appearing at a Police station near us soon.

Mr Bill has had a relatively quiet time – even last night (Friday) when Llanffuglen Police expect the locals to be letting their hair down, consuming too much drugs and alcohol and picking fights.
Mr Bill did have a big responsibility as he was 'officer in charge' for the execution of a warrant last night. They took the big red door key with them in case the occupants were unwilling to open the door for them – this was not needed as the door was open. Some time was spent watching the sniffer dog indicating that, although there were no drugs to be found, there had been some there previously. This warrant execution and all the associated paperwork allows Mr Bill to tick lots of boxes on his way to becoming a fully-accredited PC and trusted to go on independent patrol.

Mr Bill is on a late again tonight and as it is raining it will be only the determined baddies who will be up to no good; thefts of Diesel are becoming more of a problem locally so Mr Bill will be driving round with PC Tutor in the Noddy van.

A Hard Day's Night

Well Mr Bill made it through his first two nights - he is off again for his last night shift in a few hours.
Not a lot has happened in Llanffuglen - the criminals were all tucked up in bed.

Actually Mr Bill claims they took one look at him in his full Police kit, turned tail and headed back to England.

Time passed slowly so PC Tutor took Mr Bill on a tour of all the useful night-time watering holes. A well known supermarket was honoured with a visit from Mr Bill and his colleagues - here they all tucked into a midnight feast.

First Night Nerves

Mr Bill is starting his eight-week stint of accompanied patrols this Tuesday night. So just as you are getting snuggled up in your duvet, Mr Bill will be starting his night's work. He is a little apprehensive about starting 'proper' police duties - although he will have a tutor to assist and advise him. He is going to be very busy as, in addition to general police work, he will have more boxes to tick showing he has experienced all the different scenarios required before he can be let out on his own.

Over the next few weeks stories of real happenings will probably appear on here, with some attempt at disguising names and places. I am not sure that those in charge would approve of this reporting, so can I request, please, no mentioning of any identifying remarks by those of you who know the real Bill family if you leave comments. I am afraid this means previous giveaway comments (even the really funny ones) have been deleted and all new comments will be moderated before they go on the blog.

Passing Out Parade

Well today it was the 'Passing Out Parade'. Mr Bill and his colleagues were made to stand still for so long that I did begin to wonder if they were waiting for them to literally pass out. During the long and it has to be said boring speeches Miss Bill and I avoided eye contact with Mr Bill, especially at certain moments in the speeches as I was aware a fit of the giggles would not go down well. However, PC Smirky lived up to his nickname as he observed his younger son almost exploding with the effort of stifling his giggles - his mother telling him to stop laughing or his Dad would get into loads of trouble did not seem to have any effect.

Mr Bill and his colleagues looked very smart.



Finally the speeches were over and the prize for the most improved recruit was awarded. Fortunately the recruits did not all throw their hats in the air at the end of the speeches - those helmets would cause a nasty injury if they landed on you!

There was a meal in the evening where Mr Bill, as the class liaison representative, was required to make a speech. In true Bill-family form Mr Bill took the opportunity to remind everyone of all the humorous incidents that had occurred and had everyone in stitches and/or with red faces!

Mr Bill is more than a little disappointed that he has as yet has not had an opportunity to go in the helicopter. But he is hoping he will be able to get to have a flight sometime.

Well after all the excitement Mr Bill has a week off to ready himself for his eight week stint on shifts, starting with nights in just over a week.

Hurrah!

Yes Mr Bill passed (and so did all the other recruits) - they have all gone out to celebrate....

I Hate Mondays....

Well not generally - just tomorrow as it is the BIG ONE. Yes the final 3-hour, 120 question exam.

All the very best for tomorrow, Mr Bill!

The Real Deal

Today Mr Bill was on a real raid. None of that role model stuff they have had so much of over the last few months.
They were out looking for drugs.
Perhaps not quite as 'tooled up' as the Met on their recent searches of properties.

The Llanffuglen crew had the big red door key,



sniffer dogs and lots of bodies to assist in the searches.

Mr Bill did very well and, although he did not find £6million worth of drugs, he did find drug paraphernalia and small quantities of illegal substances.
He thoroughly enjoyed himself today and is now quite worn out and has gone to bed. (He did leave the house at 4am this morning!)

Entirely by coincidence the police have approached Mrs Bill to see if they can 'borrow' some empty Llanffulgen Council properties for a few hours to use as training for their drugs dogs and handlers. I did mention that they might not need to bring their own drug samples to hide in some of our properties. There is one particular estate where the dogs would probably alert the handlers to the presence of illegal drugs immediately on exiting the dog van.

If It Ain’t Raining, It Ain’t Training…

.....or so says Sergeant Shiny Shoes.
So I guess as the sun was beating down from the clear blue sky it was not training in his mind.

The recruits were on an exercise for the day. They were split into two teams and given the task of finding a misper – that is a missing person for those of you who do not watch TV. They were shown how to section up their area and search it thoroughly. However not everything went according to plan – a passing dog, or a naughty school child on half term holiday, had found the trainer the unfortunate misper had lost and deposited it into thick bramble undergrowth. Mr Bill is more than a little unhappy that his shoe shine has been ruined by intimate contact with dead brambles. He also sustained scratches to his hands.
They eventually found their misper (a dummy) and had to carry it back on a stretcher.
Mr Bill was commended on his foresight on stocking up on food when it was presented to them – those pockets come in pretty handy. The Serg had also thoughtfully provided hot sausage rolls and pasties. One recruit put his under his police helmet.
Mr Bill said it was a good day and took his mind off the forthcoming end exam next week.
He estimates he walked about 10 miles today and his legs are aching. Needless to say we are not out on a romantic evening celebrating Valentines.

Varied Visits

Mr Bill has been out and about this last week – no posts as Mrs Bill has been sidetracked by Romantic period literature (Byron’s Don Juan and Hemans’ ‘Indian Woman’s Death Song’ in case you are interested – I wasn’t which is why its taken me so long).

Mr Bill has been spending time learning about interviewing. He has had to conduct mock interviews with colleagues who are victims or baddies. He also went to County Court for a day too.
The day in Court was especially useful as it was a ‘this is how you shouldn’t do it’ lesson. PC Forgetful was the witness called; there was a delay as he was unaware the case was today – he claimed he had received notification he was not needed – slapped wrists if he cannot later produce said notification.Mr Bill had the opportunity to see the case go from start to finish; he said it was fascinating to hear the evidence from both sides and hear the cross examinations of all the different witnesses. Mr Bill had a talk with the prosecutor during the lunch break who said that in all his years as a prosecutor he had never seen such a shambles as PC Forgetful.
The lesson is: write down lots of detail, make a proper note of when you are in court and have your pocket notebook with you.

We have had another murder here in rural Llanffuglen and Mr Bill did wonder if he and his probationer colleagues would be called out on standing in the rain duty – but fortunately for him the murderer was apprehended immediately.
This week is another of varying day trips to schools, addiction help centres and a Women’s refuge.

Well Done Mr Bill!

Mr Bill passed his hour-long exam on Thursday and his 'Officer Safety Training' test on Friday. His wrists are sore from his colleagues practising their handcuffing and restraining manoeuvres on him.

Next week Mr Bill is to visit a mosque as part of his diversity training – obviously not that diverse as he is not also visiting a synagogue or Roman Catholic church or any of the tree-hugger places of worship so commonly found around Llanffuglen.


He is then visiting a day care centre to see if he can get alongside the elderly and try and encourage them to be model citizens and prevent some of their anti-social behaviour. You can tell we are not quite sure of the point of this visit. Mr Bill is expecting to hand out cups of tea, eat all the biscuits and play bingo.

He has a day at the Magistrates court to see a case tried; he is hoping there is an interesting case that day.

It should be an interesting week

Drowning in a Sea of Paperwork

Mr Bill has been learning about all the necessary paperwork for efficient policing this week. They have had to compile a file for a case to go to court. The trainers set up a mock incident - didn't go quite as they planned, and the probationers had to record everything that happened: statements, arrest statements and about 15 forms. The end result was a file about 2cm thick for an incident that lasted for about 2 minutes and was minor in the grand scheme of things. It is quite mind boggling to imagine how thick a file must be for a serious case.
The role play consisted of two police officers in a Police Station when, Rupert, one of the trainers entered the station and immediately started being belligerent, then two other probationers entered with their ‘prisoner’, Neville (the other trainer) who was the ‘father’ of Rupert. The incident escalated until Rupert had to be arrested. The trainers thought this would be an opportunity to see some ‘action’ and Rupert was planning to give a ‘true flavour of an arrest’ by being realistic in his use of aggression, however Rupert's plan was scuppered when, after poking the wpc who was behind the desk, Mr Bill grabbed the unruly Rupert's hand twisted it sharply behind his back and lowered him to the floor before he could react, Mr Bill then snapped on the cuffs and that was the end of the action! Rupert had miscalculated how fast an individual of Mr Bill's advanced age could move and just how strong he is too! Ooh! Those cuffs do hurt.
When all the action was over it was time to get on with the paperwork and there was a lot of it….
Each individual involved was required to write a statement, the arresting officer had to also write an arrest statement, the pocket notebooks needed to include all the details too and these were then photocopied and included in the file.


It becomes apparent now why sometimes the police are reluctant to proceed in certain cases as they know that after all their hard work the individual is not going to get his comeuppance when he does appear in court and yet they have spent hours assembling the case.

Happy New Year to All

It has been a busy time in the Bill household with Christmas and New Year celebrations along with continued studying; Mr Bill is finding it hard going to remember all the legislation relating to firearms, and sexual offences too. He has had two weeks off over Christmas, and told to make the most of it as it may be the last Christmas he is off for a few years. He has been spending his time reading his notes, making new notes, making dinner (and very nice it has been too), then back to notes.

He is back to work on Monday; he has a couple of weeks in the classroom, an exam, a couple of weeks on division learning about the correct filing of paperwork – it has got to be more than that, but we are not sure exactly what, and then a week off with the final, big, make or break exam……..