"She Tried to Get Me With A Spoon..."

Mr Bill learned about arresting people today. They had to role play, with police staff yet again pretending to be villains. Having arrested and charged the criminal they were taken to the custody suite (and it is air conditioned) and then booked in by the custody sergeant. They were supposed to search the suspect and check them for weapons, drugs, sharps etc. One of Mr Bill’s female colleagues had an individual to book in who was really getting into it – shaking, crying, and then she suddenly drew a spoon out of her bra to attack the officer. I guess it could have been a knife (or fork maybe) a reminder that officers need to be vigilant when bringing in prisoners. Some individuals are remarkably imaginative about where stuff can be hidden ….made my eyes water just hearing about it.

We got to meet some of Mr Bill’s colleagues tonight as he brought them back home for a meal after finishing locking up all the riff-raff. They are a nice bunch and the little Bills enjoyed hearing the stories they told.

Bringing Pressure To Bear

The pressure is brought to bear on the unruly individual to encourage him to obey the instructions given by the police officer. In part one of OST (officer safety training) Mr Bill and his colleagues learned how to deal with recalcitrant individuals who might want to cause the officer some harm. A certain amount of pressure applied to one of several specific body sites renders the individual much less troublesome to the officer who is then able to apply handcuffs. They all practised on each other – generally you are at a disadvantage if you are small and light – so Mr Bill did pretty well. However one young lady found one particular hold, ‘the goose neck’, performed on the thumb and wrist was quite effective.
Mr Bill being such a well-built chap, of course, everyone wanted to floor him so he is a bit bruised and battered –not quite sure how he got it but he seems to have a Chinese burn or something similar on his arm.
All the little Bill’s were keen to see all the moves and try them out so it was rather noisy with the realistic shouting of the ‘officer’ and the yelling of the ‘thug’ – along with the laughing and shouting of the audience. Just as well we have such understanding neighbours.

Victim, Evidence and Maybe, Stupid Criminals

Mr Bill learned about evidence handling today – not at all like villains handling stolen property where you hope it is covered in fingerprints and other forensic evidence. It is of the utmost importance not to contaminate any evidence; criminals have canny lawyers to get them off if they can show there is even the least possibility of cross contamination.
There is procedure for everything involved with a crime scene and usually a ‘handy’ mnemonic to remember what to do. Actually there are so many to learn that Mr Bill is wondering if he should make up a mnemonic to help him remember them!

It is obviously important to think about the victim - and assess what help they are going to need. I notice there is a box on the crime sheet especially to note distraction burglary - sad that people take advantage of very vulnerable people so frequently.

It is no wonder that people have to wait so long for the police to turn up when there has been a burglary as the officers are filling in the paperwork for the previous incidents they have attended.
One thing they have to do when taking down the crime details is to make a note of the modus operandi of the criminal - not having much to do with the criminal fraternity I was surprised at the calling cards some villains leave! Urinating in cupboards was a bit of a surprise – so if you get burgled and there is a damp patch in a cupboard it might be worth getting scene of crime officer to take a swab! It does seem strange the criminals leave a DNA sample to assist the police in identifying them.

"Team Building"

Hmmm! Mr Bill is "teambuilding" today.
Actually he is off with the rest of the intake having a day out. The rest of the Bill tribe feel the need to do some teambuilding so we are thinking of going out and having loads of fun at a local attraction too.
Mr Bill is not going to worry about the weather as he is kitted out with a wet-suit and is going to be doing some water sports. He fears there has been too much rain for any except the most expert kayakers so they may have had to abandon their first choice of day out.

Well it is 8pm and Mr Bill is back after a day kayaking on a full, but not too fast flowing river. It sounds as if they all had plenty of opportunity to reach their potential - one even reached a little too far and capsized his boat. Sounds like they had lots of fun teambuilding opportunities. And they had a much better day than the previous intake, who were needed at an incident to bulk up the numbers to prevent a breach of the peace - they spent the day in the rain and were easy to spot as they were ones wearing their still pristine, bright fluorescent-yellow jackets.

Mr Bill is quite tired out after his long day.

Big Red Door Key

Mr Bill was let out a bit early today which was nice ☺ as it gives him some more time to do all that reading at home ☹
(It would be ok if he was allowed to read the new 'Harry Potter')
Today he learned about summons and powers of entry - and they have lots of powers so watch out! There are several reasons a police officer can force his or her way into your house and they are covered extensively in the 'Police and Criminal Evidence Act' (PACE). One is if they believe there is an actual danger to life: so if an officer 'smells gas' he or she is allowed to force entry - 'cos you might get blown up otherwise. AND it is not just your house they can enter - the law covers vehicle, vessel, aircraft or hovercraft, tent and anything else the officer can fit into the definition of premises.
The ‘Big Red Door Key’ is what we see on TV when the police forcibly open a door (more of a battering ram really) but I don’t think Mr Bill gets his own one.

Mr Bill was asked to deliver a summons today. Again it was all a set up but the individual put on a good show of excuses and disbelief; I guess acting ability is an essential quality of all of Police Staff these days. One of Mr Bill's colleagues had to chase after his person to fulfil the requirements of delivering his summons.

Tomorrow is not more of the same but instead “an opportunity to build up confidence within the group and to help the individuals within the group to develop skills and to reach their potential blah blah blah” - they are off on a jaunt.

You've Got The Power

Mr Bill learned about the power of arrest and there's much to learn and it's only going to get worse as time goes on.
Indictable and summary offences and the differences, when you give which type of caution (there are 3), and what add-ons, to a suspect, when you are allowed to arrest someone – there are several different reasons for arresting and that does not refer to all the different crimes they may have committed …. I could go on but unless you are thinking of becoming a police officer it is probably more than enough already!
Mr and Mrs Bill have now found a cure for insomnia - Mr Bill was finding reading through some of his notes hard going so I offered to help and within a few minutes he was sleeping peacefully - I don't think that is supposed to happen ☺

Mr Bill caught his first criminal today – okay so it is unlikely that a criminal would have found his way onto HQ, got in through the electronic doors and then been able to start rummaging through personal bags - but he was wearing a hoodie so he had made an effort to look the part. The trainer drew the recruits’ attention to this miscreant and asked them what they were going to do about it. Immediately Mr Bill leapt up out of his chair and gave chase. The felon ran fast, but so did Mr Bill and eventually after a hazardous chase, Mr Bill caught hold of the culprit. Yes, it was all set up – but everyone was amazed that not only could Mr Bill move so fast (for such an old bloke) but also so much faster than the rest of them.
It will be interesting to see what stunts the trainer comes up with on the day they are going to learn about stolen cars, murder or riots.

Mr Bill is looking forward to being paid soon which is good as the little Bill's all had new trainers today.

Buns of Steel

Mr Bill had a full day today learning about identification and taking initial statements. At the beginning of the day someone came into the room and spoke sharply to the trainer before leaving - but this was a test for the new recruits to see if they were paying attention and as ever vigilant as they are supposed to be. So now they have to write a statement about what happened and this is to be handed in on Wednesday morning.

On the shiny shoe front the competition is intensifying; one of Mr Bill's colleagues came in today with VERY shiny shoes. So I am unable to ask too many more details about what else Mr Bill did today as he is buffing his boots to a refulgent shine.

Also the trainer has challenged them to think of how you can take the fingerprints of a reluctant subject - apparently it is easy and you don’t even need have buns of steel. Mr Bill is to find out soon.......

End of Week 4

Mr Bill was in a local town to meet up with the rest of the emergency services who operate in our area. I guess it must be easier to get to know them in an informal situation rather than at the scene of an accident. Unfortunately, with a refurbishment going on, the promised breakfast at the fire station did not materialise :-(

Mr Bill has been spending a great deal of time in an attempt to remain current with paperwork - and he hasn't even arrested anyone yet :-)
He has to keep his notebook up to date with what he has been doing and he also has to answer some mind-numbing questions for the NVQ all police officers now complete as part of their training. Questions such as: How will what you have learned about community affect your work as a police officer?- which have common sense answers but it has taken him ages to put it all down on paper - some poor sap has to read them all now too. Mr Bill was let home early today as he has been so good at keeping his notebook written up properly. So he got home and started reading up for next week when he will learn about taking statements, identification and powers of arrest amongst other things.

All in all it has been another pretty busy week for Mr Bill so he is looking forward to sitting down and having a beer or two and watching some TV. However, I think there might be a few little jobs lined up for him ......

Meet The Beat

Mr Bill has been meeting all his soon-to-be-colleagues at his station posting: they all seem very nice and are up for a bit of a laugh too which makes life a little lighter. He watched his first criminal being breathalysed, fingerprinted and then locked up.
He met the Domestic Abuse group and found out about the work they do and how they are most busy at about 6pm, when abusive partner is finding fault with the menu choice and then again from 11pm-3am when abusive partner has come home roaring drunk and even less able to restrain any violent impulses. Most abusive partners are blokes but there are abusive wives and girlfriends. What was quite upsetting to hear was that in over 90% of incidences the children are witness to the abuse, and then that most domestic abuse crime never makes it to court as the allegations are withdrawn.
Mr Bill also met the community liaison people too - not quite sure of the correct terminology but they meet with the locals and local authorities and try to cut crime and anti-social behaviour. It seems there are a couple of troublesome estates in Mr Bill's beat.
Today he is being shown round by a PCSO who will point out the local trouble spots and how they deal with itinerant visitors - and the crime they bring with them - the most recent lot are distraction burglars.
On a happier note I need to contact our household insurance provider as I think from the premium they are charging me they cannot realise that Llanffuglen is one of the safest areas to live in. :-)

Local Bill

Mr Bill went to the local police station today to have a look around. Our local station is very new and full of the latest hi-tech gadgetry with stuff like electronic fingerprints (with back up ink and paper for when the computer crashes!). He got to see the cells and the "special area" where you get to search for drugs or some such which people might have swallowed and after being in the cells for a bit...... I am sure your imagination can supply the details.

Mr Bill commented today on how most of the police officers he meets say how much they enjoy their job and with their next breath tell him, "I've only got X years and X months left." So it seems when Mr Bill is finally past his probation he needs to buy a countdown to retirement chart.

The other thing they often say is how glad they are to be in Llanffuglen and not in that awful crime-ridden hole over the county line - sorry if any of you reading this are living there.

People's Reactions

Contrary to popular belief, Mr and Mrs Bill do have some friends and we met up with some of them last night. Until he had actually become a copper, Mr Bill kept expecting the Police to say they changed their mind and they didn't want him. So he has been reticent about telling people he had even applied. This means that we keep meeting up with people who ask how is business only for them to hear Mr Bill is the Bill. It has been interesting (and often entertaining) to see their reactions. After picking themselves up from the floor, some make comments to Mr Bill about how they had better watch their step around him. The most common thing said is in relation to speeding, then drink driving.

The most common thing said to Mrs Bill is in regard to man in uniform.....

End Of Another Week

It is Friday again and so ends another busy wek. Mr Bill has been having to read quite a lot the last few days and it looks like it is going to get worse too. Those who know Mr Bill well will realise how hard he is going to have to work - there can't be many people who can make a novel last as long as Mr Bill. The books which are on the reading list have titles such as "PACE -Police and Criminal Evidence Act". The contents of the books are of great importance for the successful banging up of criminals. If a Police Officer does not do the procedures correctly then the defendant can get off on a technicality and go back on the streets and continue in his felonious lifestyle.

Mr Bill will probably be embarrassed at me for reporting this but he had an assessment today to review his progress so far and he came out with a gold star.

Attestation

Before Mr Bill is a fully-fledged police officer and allowed to arrest someone, those in power want him to promise he will do it properly and today he has to attest that he will do so.
Most of the family decided to turn up and watch (and not all of them came for the free food either).
Mr Bill looked very smart - and so did all his colleagues (thanks to sellotape fluff removal). Each new police officer had to swear to uphold the law and do their duty - bit like the Brownie/Cub promise but longer words. A Justice of the Peace witnessed the attestation and then after signing a certificate Mr Bill was a proper copper.
There was a lovely spread laid out for us and the little Bills all enjoyed that. It was nice to meet Mr Bill’s colleagues and to see their families too.
We got to have a look at the helicopter - but sadly despite much eyelash fluttering by Miss Bill and even Mr Bill they would not let us have a ride.
Miss Bill was keen to have a look at everyone's shoes to compare shininess - Mr Bill's were very good but ex-marine sergeant had a shine like a mirror (I think he was quite pleased to show them off as he has been polishing them for 30 years).
Mr Bill was allowed to go home after this and now the countdown starts till he arrests someone........

Dr's ABC

DRSABC is a mnemonic to remember how to treat a casualty. Mr Bill came across a casualty in his assessment today. She seemed to have dropped a television on herself but fortunately she was still breathing. The next casualty had given herself a very nasty plastic cut with a plastic knife.....

D -assess the Danger of the situation where the casualty is
R- consider your Response
S-Shout for help
A-is the Airway clear
B-is the casualty Breathing
C-Circulation; does the casualty have a pulse

Mr Bill saved his casualties and so passed his assessment.

While on parade Mr Bill was commended on his shiny shoes today - so all that polishing is starting to pay off.

We spent the evening trying to iron a crease 1" from the seam on Mr Bill's jacket. It was quite tricky to get a good crease without buning the jacket but I think we managed it.

Mr Bill also had a diversity training session this afternoon that involved watching the film 'Crash' (I am not sure if they were provided with popcorn)

First Aid and Driving But No Blue Flashing Lights

Mr Bill learned how to give first aid to someone today. He needed to pay close attention, not just because he might save someone's life, but he is going to need to pass an assessment as well!
In days of yore when Mr Bill was working at a large office he was volunteered to be the office first aider and was sent on a three day course so he could be certified as competent. Things have changed quite a lot as to what you are allowed to do. Either people need to breathe less now or their hearts need to beat more as the proportion of compressions to breaths has changed from 15:2 to 30:2
Mr Bill had previously learned how to perform an emergency tracheotomy (which fortunately he never needed to perform) but now you don't get to stab someone in the throat and put a bic biro case in their windpipe, you just have to hope the paramedics get there in time.
After placing everyone who came through the front door in the recovery position Mr Bill is hoping he should pass his assessment.

In other news Mr Bill and his son both had driving tests recently; Mrs Bill is delighted they both passed. Son now has his full driving licence and Mr Bill is allowed to drive any Police vehicle. But he is not allowed to use the blue lights and siren yet!
When Mr Bill said he would have a driving assessment today we assumed it was a matter of driving around Llanffuglen without crashing or running anyone over but it was a full-on driving test. The 'examiner' was an advanced driving tester and he wanted Mr Bill to drive like he was trying to pass his test - but better. Not all of Mr Bill's colleagues passed and yet none of them did anything that bad. Those who failed will have some advanced driving tuition and have anoither assessment - not sure what happens if you fail that.

What Do You Do With the Drunken Policeman?

Mr Bill and all his colleagues went out for a social evening to get to know each other a bit more and meet some of the previous intake too.
Mr Bill said it was an enjoyable evening; no one got too drunk although some officers like to let their hair down. Mrs Bill offered to give any a lift home at the end of the evening as she was already picking up Mr Bill. Off duty offiicers are just like any one else and are likely to forget their house keys and so have to wake the household up to get back into the house, resulting in getting a rollicking from their partner.....oops!

Fire

Mr Bill came home from the visit to a local fire station with an increased admiration for those who fight fires, cut people out of cars and rescue cats stuck up trees. Mr Bill was there to be told that if he attends a shout for a fire he is not, under any circumstances, to go into a burning building and try and rescue anyone. Fires do not usually kill people - it is the smoke and the heat that does that. Mr Bill watched some disturbing videos of fires which have occured and from which, hopefully, lessons have been learned. If you do not have a smoke alarm you stand a much smaller chance of getting out of a burning building; if you don't get out pretty quickly you will not get out at all!
Mrs Bill checked our smoke alarms are all working properly and has been telling everyone else to check theirs too.

Radio Fun

Mr Bill came home yesterday a very happy bunny. He had spent the day being trained in the correct use of the radio. In reality this seems to have involved running around a local beauty spot and playing wide games. He had a good day and had hoped to listen to the radio in the evening to learn some more about the codes and whatnot that he needs to know but actually spent the evening realising our area in rural Wales is almost crime free - nothing much happened and so he might have to wait for Friday night to hear what it is really like.
The new recruits were also encouraged to listen in to the control room after their day but this might be a bit useless unless it is a match day or an event is on. However, if they had listened a couple of days ago it could have been quite exciting; not to be outdone by London and Glasgow, we in Llanffuglen have found a couple of 'bombs' for the bomb squad to come and make safe. Several hours of closed roads, annoyed motorists and disrupted shoppers and controlled explsions later all has been well and surprisingly it would seem we are not the next target of Al-Qaeda terrorists - more likely the batty old woman who leaves her jumble outside the wrong shop.

Today Mr Bill is learning exactly what do firefighters do apart from rescue stranded cyclists

Stop In The Name Of The Law

Mr Bill was off early this morning to be ready for an early start of stopping traffic. I am not sure of the exact wording being used but I would imagine the title to this post is more accurate than "Stand and Deliver". (I think it is more hand actions than saying anything)
Mr Bill was hoping for some sunshine rather than the constant pouring rain we have had in Llanffuglen. Actually the weather was not too bad, the sun was shining - even the young lady on her driving test thought it was going ok until she saw a Police Officer slowing down traffic and panicked, slammed on the brakes, hurriedly wound down her window to enquire of the officer what was wrong......

Big Cheese, Guns and Roses

Mr Bill met the "Big Cheese" Chief Inspector today; he had given a talk last week but had not chatted to them as he did today. Seems he has a sense of humour too as he tried to play a joke on a couple of the new recruits.
The "Guns" was a talk from a firearm officer, accompanied by gruesome photos and descriptions. Fortunately no-one fainted. Mr Bill thinks it might be interesting to join the ARV unit (if that is the correct term) and get to drive around with a vehicle full of powerful weapons.
The "Roses" was the cardboard from the packet of chocolates used to wedge the projector into place (OK so it was Celebrations).

Mr Bill also met a couple of people from the Station he is assigned to and was pleased to report that they seem very friendly.

First Week Over

So it is Sunday and Mr Bill has survived his first week. He has learned how important it is to understand diversity, safely lift his very heavy books, seen the computer system, been inspected in his uniform (and very smart he looked too), and he has met some interesting people. He was relieved to find they do not think he is too old. Coppers are not getting younger anymore!
I think Mr Bill was most relieved to find that despite the best efforts of The Press to persuade us that The Police Service has gone into Political Correctness Overdrive, it has not and there were some very sensible people who said some very sensible things to him this week. Long may it last.

Mr Bill was delighted that there are some interesting things going to happen over the next few months; classroom stuff obviously but interspersed with days out and even 'team building exercises' which Mrs Bill thinks sounds like a dissimulation for having a fun day out and enjoying yourselves!